Friday, December 12, 2008

How? and Why?

How come? Why can't I stop thinking about Andi? I am hoping that once the 14th passes, maybe it won't be so fresh in my mind? It's sad...when I 'announced' my pregnancy with Andi I said "Guess what Zachary is getting for his birthday?" -- God I so hope that someday this memory will vanish so that I don't feel the underlying sadness each time he has a birthday! I am happy to have Zachary and all my other children...I don't want to feel sadness...I feel like such a bad mom for feeling the way I do...

Christmas Eve marks one year since we have started TTC and I'm thinking I need to find a way to let go...Anyone have any suggestions on HOW?? How do I stop wanting this so badly? How do I relax? Now that I have the progesterone, I kind of still need to keep temping so I know when to start it up...otherwise I would just stop that...I don't know where I'm going with this...I just feel so lonely and I'm hurting so badly...

I promise I will find a happy post by the end of the day..I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and feel like someone's listening or cares...hmm, I wonder if a handful of prozac would help me?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tracy,you are not alone and we do care. So sorry this is so hard on you. {{{HUGS}}}

Kristin

sam said...

been thinking of you. We going through the same place now too. Sadie was due on the 17th.
lets hope we have abetter new year......Sam

Haley said...

I know things will be better for you in the new year.