The only title I could think of is Today is Awful...I am not doing well at all today. I've been crying since last night, not able to sleep...add the sorrow and anger and now I've even turned my own husband against me. He won't even as much as hug me right now...I guess he just doesn't have time? IDK...maybe it's b/c I am being such a bitch...I can't help it. I hurt so badly and feel like there is no one there for me...he's so busy worrying about his client (that he won't even see for 2 more days...). I told him to quit letting the guy have free rent in his head and start caring about what his wife is going through....so what does he do? Oh, OK, "well I'm going to take a power nap!" Thanks for being there honey...
I have to catch up on my housework today, got to get to the bank today...I just am not motivated to do anything at all...I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear for a day...sleep, cry, throw a temper tantrum...but at the same time, I just don't want to be alone.
still no sign of any spotting or anything and it's just driving me crazy...absolutely NUTS! I should be five weeks today...if only the end would come maybe I could quit counting?
I know everyone reading this probably thinks I'm totally overreacting....it's not like this baby made it very far...I should be able to just be happy and say oh well maybe next time...but if my body won't let me move on...there won't be a next time. It kills me that this baby should be growing and instead I'm wishing it away.
I'm sorry to my readers taht you have endure 'listening' to this...it probably doesn't even make any sense. I have no one to talk to IRL and I am hurting so very badly...But hey I guess it's your choice to come here and read right? It's not like I'm posting my sadness on a board or anything...just here.
I want to get over the hurt and move on...I really really do...
This loss hurts all the more b/c I was just getting my hopes up when the test went bfn on me. I should be nearing 37 weeks...Andi should've arrived sometime in the next 2 weeks...and now instead of giving birth or celebrating a new pregnancy I sit here, alone, empty and just wishing all the pain would go away...
2 comments:
I know there are no words to make you feel better. I am so sorry. It is only time that will help heal this wound. Let yourself grieve, it is completely normal and absolutely necessary. Do whatever makes you feel best, and just remember that in time you will begin to feel better. You will always remember this little one you lost, but it will get better. You are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
So sorry Tracy, you need to find someone to talk to. Your dh is only reacting the way he knows how, they don't understand.
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