Remember that wonderful weather yesterday? (AFM post)

I ended up not taking my boys out to play much yesterday. I got hit with I'm guessing is food poisoning. I was so sick...and fighting it...I insisted on driving to pick up Harley and that's when it really got bad...I had to pull over twice to toss my cookies before I'd finally turn the keys over to Andrew. It was only about 5 more minutes to home, but I was being difficult (who me?)...that ride made me ever sicker though...I insisted I would just lay on the couch so I could at least help him with the boys, but that lasted all of 10 minutes before I couldn't handle the noise and smells :) -- So at 6:30 last night I went to bed!? Of course I didn't sleep I just tossed and turned till I finally lost my cookies again about 8:30..THEN I was able to fall asleep.

Andrew did amazing with the boys...lost his temper a few times and had to be yelled at too, but he handled them and their night time routine pretty well. Tyler is such a momma's boy he wouldn't go to bed without "tuckies" from mom (a special way I tuck him into bed every night) so when I woke up at 1:00 this morning I had a sweet 2 year old (he was sleeping or he might not have been so sweet!) pushing me off the bed. How can this little boy take up so much room on a king sized bed?

I woke up at 5 and temped as usual...my temp was up at 99.17? I didn't think food poisoning (because I'm convinced that's what it was) would give me a temperature. I've taken my temperature since and it's in the 98.8 range...which is pretty typical for a daytime post-O temp so maybe it wasn't a bad temp...I looked at past charts and it's come close to that number before (again, look at my October chart, an awful lot of similarities between this cycle and that one so far...but don't want to get my hopes up).

I had a major breakdown yesterday and Andrew and I cried for over an hour together. Robert & Kelly took Tyler and Zachary outside to play so we could have some time alone. I was sobbing so hard...I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself. I am having a hard time because it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that the pregnancy I lost in November would've been far enough for me to be my anatomical ultrasound (and probably finding out what gender that baby was). It's hard because this is the first time I've really thought about that loss (other than calling it another tick mark in the loss column)...in terms of it being an actual baby...I really thought I was past it ... I mean that pregnancy only lasted to 5 weeks and I thought I was numb to the milestone feelings on my early losses.

Today I am feeling...nauseated...but able to keep my head up and my stomach contents down (although I haven't tried any solids yet today). I keep thinking only 8 more days till testing and a hopeful bfp...but then that makes me sad because I am so tired of thinking that way....

And only 3 more days till I turn 40!! I think that's adding to my downward spiral...

Hope I can come back with some happier news or pictures sometime today