A little depressed today....

*Sigh* you don't have to read it since it's just me rambling...but I just gotta get it out...

My last EDD / belly buddy gets her induction date today...I am thrilled for her but it sure is bittersweet...why couldn't I at least be pregnant by the time I get to meet her little one? She's been through so many hassles with this pregnancy and I am sincerely happy for her, but it hurts that all this time has passed and still I sit here waiting for it to happen again....

The bfps are floating around me, never me, just floating around me...and I'm truly happy for them...in fact, with all the bfp announcements I didn't cry at all! I thought I was getting better at accepting this but it's not...why do I have up and down days...IDK I guess it's just that two of them had vasectomy reversals...and still...they got pg before I...*sigh* Oh well...I mentioned it to Andrew and he says well maybe I should go and get a vasectomy and then get it reversed and maybe our luck will change? He's funny eh?

To top it all off today is 15dpo...I stopped the progesterone at 13dpo instead of 14dpo this time thinking ok, that will speed up AF's arrival (last cycle I stopped at 14dpo and AF showed at 16dpo)...well, here I am two days after stopping the progesterone and still no AF...so I did something DUMB!! I POAS'd just to know...thinking maybe some miracle happened, I'm pregnant and I need to restart the progesterone if that's the case...I think I'm just being irrational now...of course it was bfn...today's temp was down almost to coverline so I should've never done that.

Today is back to the schedule as usual. Kelly's got a dentist appointment, Harley's got behavior therapy so I get to be on the road from 2:30 to 6:30...(sigh) I hate keeping the boys cooped up in the van this long!! I just want one more day? Just one more day to mope and pity party by myself....But I guess moving on is really the best thing I can do right? Right? I wish it felt right...