I think this is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do...I don't want to give up...but I do. I think the odds are so against me...and I've been getting signs to quit for a long time. I don't know how I will get past the hurt of quitting...I'm not usually a quitter...But I just can't keep up with being let down. I've done everything I can and now the time has come to accept that it wasn't meant to happen. I will try to go away for a couple of days. I know I will have my down, down, down times and I will try to keep those from here...

Man, this hurts so much...like a loss all over again...and no one wants to talk to me....I feel so alone...even Andrew doesn't want to talk to me....