Harley had a major meltdown with his OT again last night. He actually drew blood and left bruising. Then Andrew and I disagreed on how to handle it (he had been sleeping and got up and got into the middle of it when he didn't know what was going on). So the OT told him to quit it and he got mad at ME?!
He also started up again last night about how he hates his job. This happens every two to four weeks. I'm so very tired of hearing it that I've started to apply for jobs. I hope I never get called on any of them but it's killing me to see him so unhappy. He wants to get back into the cconstruction field (which he hasn't done for nearly 11 years so chances are he'd have to start at an entry level position). Not only that but he had to 'retire' from construction after he blew out his knee with an on the job injury. I think he's just being stupid about it. In this crappy old economy the health care field is where he should be sticking. I think he just needs to find a job with a different company and clients, but he doesn't want to do that either. This sucks...he got to stay home for nearly eight years. Then tells me that we can have a baby (Tyler0 and give me the chance to be a stay at home mom...what am I supposed to do? I am so tired of hearing him complain, he refuses to get a job elsewhere (even though this company treats him like crap, the clients treat him like crap, he has a bad attitude when he goes to work even though it's only for 1-4 hours at a time, and this company pays him about $3 less per hour than the other companies would).
So I guess if I don't get a bfp this cycle I will work harder at trying to find another job and give up my lifelong dream of getting to raise my kids as a stay at home mom. It's tearing me up! It's so not fair! Now of course, he won't manage the calendars, pay the bills or keep up with the paperwork so in addition to me working full time and missing out on my kids I get to spend my 'free time' doing that too? I wish I knew the right words to say to get his mind straight so he could see what a stress this is all putting on me...I hate the thought that we have stopped trying as it is and now my dreams are again getting squashed because he can't think with a level head!!! GGGGRRRRHHH!!
OK, Vent over...
UPDATE: Well, Kelly saw me working on my resume and now she's mad at me too. Andrew woke up and I was working on my chores before the boys get up (I usually use that time as me time to check on the boards!) and started in with me about how he needs to provide and be a good husband....blah, blah, blah...So needless to say he left the house all pissed off at me AGAIN! Whatever...He just doesn't understand how much it tears me apart that he ALLOWS his clients to treat him like SHIT and then he comes home all depressed over his job...if only he would tell them HALF the stuff he tells me about how much it bothers him maybe, just maybe they would be a little nicer. He won't do that...Maybe if he just ups and quits on them some day they will realize just what a good thing they had in him...IDK how long it's gonna take me to find a job...I applied for six jobs between last night and this morning and it's really, really ripping me apart emotionally...I wish I knew the status of my bfp but that's still about 9-11 days away. I hate to be pregnant and starting a new job...I'd rather not get pregnant at all if I have to return to work...
ANOTHER EDIT: So I think I just finally figured out why I feel like I'm always depressed...Seems like I get hit with more depressing news before I can recover from the previous depression. It's gotta get better sometimem though right?
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