Getting better

Well it seems things are getting a little better. I actually have only cried once today so far...I'm exhausted and energy-less and still have no interest in doing ANYTHING but at least I'm not crying all the time.

Holly came by last night and gave me a bouquet of flowers and we had a nice talk-sure it was only about 20 minutes, but still it felt good to talk to someone. I needed someone to talk to who is objective and would listen. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to anymore...

I'm feeling extra lonely today with all the older kids and Andrew being gone at Elitches all day...Andrew goes back to work tomorrow and I didn't get to spend any quality time with him at all. Tonight he's gotta get some sleep so that's it...time's up! Maybe I'll get a nap in? Who knows, the contractor comes today to start on putting the ceiling in and some of the walls - knowing my luck he'll show up just as I get both boys down.

Anyhow, I really came on here to update on the conversation with the psych yesterday...First his nurse calls and tells me "yeah, we got the letter"...Umm care to elaborate? she responds with "Oh well, he'll just talk to you the next time he sees you"...that's still two weeks away and I'm not ok with that...So he called back and we talked about it. He doesn't feel that the issues are needing immediate attention...I told him of my concern of out of home placement or having someone report that Harley hurts his younger siblings...again the doctor didn't think it was that big of a deal. I guess that's a big weight lifted on me...

I also talked to the special needs nurse yesterday. She knew I was crying when I was talking to her (I was trying not to--but she knows me well). She insisted that I go to mental health and get me some help...I really don't have that kind of time in my schedule. I don't take the time to do anything for myself...No less trying to find a babysitter for the two LOs just to go and talk and get no where.

Baby's calling me (not really, but we've been working on the MMMM sound!)

Since I feel the need to 'talk' I may be back later...especially if I don't get a nap today...I wish I felt strong enough to get back on my boards and check up on everyone, but I'm just not...I guess I can't blame anyone for not wanting to talk to me -- being as down as I am...