How to Baste a Turkey....

First I will warn y'all that most of this is a TMI (but funny at the end) post...Since my readers are BBC moms, I figure nothing is really TMI...LOL
A little background: This is the post I made on my TTC board...

The last 3 days DH and I have tried to dtd. He hasn't been able to 'complete the task' so far as leaving a deposit. Last night he wanted to try again and it hurt so I told him to stop (its pretty unusual)...So he tried this AM again and then he suddenly stopped and described it as a 'ripping me apart' feeling and just couldn't go on" He said it was like he was hitting a thing like (O) (using his finger to show a tight little thing, I'm thinking he's talking about my cervix) and then all of a sudden it opens up and it's gone. I told him it's supposed to be soft and open right about now, but he said that's how it felt when I had him stop b/c it hurt. (I'm thinking and explained that he probably hit the 'cavity' behind my cervix, but he's finding that hard to believe since he's never experienced this sensation in 11 yrs!)...He says it's the same feeling he got yesterday when I started to have pain, so he stopped right away.

I just don't know, I'm not trying to dump on you ladies but I don't know where to turn...At this rate, I'm beginning to think it's just not meant to happen for me. It's not quite O time yet, only faint lines on the opks, but still...if he can't leave a deposit...and the thing is...I'm not talking at all to him about it or putting any pressure on him b/c I don't want him to think that he's just wanted as a baby making factory, so it's not any 'extra' stress I'm putting on the whole act. Oh, I'm sure I'm not making any sense...I feel like such a failure of a wife b/c of this whole situation. Any insight?

Added TMI: So if we take him to the er...point...by hand and then get the depsoit in there, do you think it would still provide good swimmers?

I got many great (and funny responses) and some of them I will share when I come back later...I'm on limited time right now...but here's one sent to me by Julie from someone she knew:
Her husband was having the same problem ... He wasn't sure why but he just couldnt leave a deposit. So she took the matter into her own hands so to speak( Yes pun was intended) TMI ALERT ... She actually gave him a blow job and spit those swimmers into a cup.

But then she couldnt get the tiny syringe to reach so poured what she could into a tablespoon and retrieved it from there.. She knew she was Oing that day or by the next morning so she went right to work. She didnt do anything special. She frankly was shocked that it even worked.

But she knew thats when she had concieved because there really was no other oportunity... As a matter of fact she was too embarassed to tell anyone about it thought she was being a bit silly and knew it sounded desperate ... So she didnt even tell her DH about what she had done...

So when she first found out she was pregnant she had A lot of explaining to do... because DH said There was no way he hadnt been leaving a deposit in that account for quite some time. LOL...

She still to this day can't believe that it worked .. she really thought that there wansn't enough left by the time she transfered it from cup to spoon it was less than a tablespoon and that was including her spit.and she didn't really get it very far in because a tylenol syringe....

You know...Sorry for the TMI... But her husband and she we're thrilled and glad she even tried it...

Oh I have some recipes to share too, but this will have to do for now....