I didn't mean to ruin your life....

So today I'm informed that I've ruined his life since day one. OMG, like I'm not hurting bad enough, he's gotta pile this on top of it too? He says I'm too controlling--which may be true (I don't know?!) The examples he gives is that he hasn't been camping in 11 years...that's my fault. I'm sorry but that's a petty excuse for telling me I've ruined his life...

The other thing I was told was that when I ask him to do something I expect it to be done now.  Because of me expecting it to be done now...I'm just so controlling he can't breathe??  He goes on to tell me that if doesn't do what I asked him to, I start on it myself...well yeah...I mean if it's gotta be done right? Is that controlling?  IDK. My head is so warped and now my husband hates me too? What started today's argument? The fact that I'm in pain and asked for his opinion on whether or not I should call the dr...Hey wait...If I'm controlling why is it I asked for his opinion?  Oh well...I'm feeling like a Very Very Lost Sheep with no guide right now...I don't understand why he hates me so much...I'm hurting so badly right now...I really hope he doesn't mean it but it hurts and reverberates in my head so much...

 

I just don't understand...we had such a great relationship...since the first loss in Dec 06 it just seems things have gone downhill.  I don't want to be told to work on my marriage, I know things will improve...we're both going through a rough time right now...I just wish he'd see how much his words are hurting me while I'm already hurting. He tends to speak before he thinks (I think most people do) and I know he'll come home from work all apologetic, telling me he really didn't mean it...BUT I will continue to walk on eggshells around him.

 

Anyhow the verdict is I didn't have time to call the dr and make an appointment today because he had to go to work and didn't have time for that CRAP!  So I will sit and waste and have all these awful, lonely emotions by myself...And I guess I'm expected to keep them to myself as well.

 

I guess that's what my blog is for...